if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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