my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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