Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
