stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
