you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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