how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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