u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
