we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
