I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
