She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
