sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
