I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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