i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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