Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
