I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
