Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
