He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
