When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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