Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
