at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
