i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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