Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
