i was born a porn star she said
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
