i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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