i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
