Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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