I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
