I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
