why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
