Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
