Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
