he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
