Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
