Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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