just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
