The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
