If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
