I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
