Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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