People in love make me want to vomit
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
