Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
