a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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