Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
