Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
