Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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