idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
