yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
