What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
