i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
