I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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