No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
