and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
