I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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