I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
