why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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