I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
