Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
